School Meetings
How to prepare for and make the most of meetings with school about your neurodivergent child.
Types of meetings
| Meeting type | Purpose | Who attends | Frequency |
|---|---|---|---|
| Initial planning meeting | To discuss your child's needs and plan support at start of year or after diagnosis. | Class teacher, SENCO, you, possibly other professionals. | When starting school, changing schools, or after diagnosis. |
| IEP/Support plan review | To review progress against targets and update the support plan. | Class teacher, SENCO, you. | Termly (3x per year) typically. |
| Annual review (EHCP) | Formal review of Education, Health and Care Plan if applicable. | School, parents, LA representative, health/social care as relevant. | Annually, as required by law. |
| Parent-teacher conference | General update on progress and any concerns. | Class teacher, you. | Usually 2-3x per year. |
| Problem-solving meeting | When specific issues arise that need addressing. | Relevant staff, you, possibly external professionals. | As needed. |
Before the meeting
- Review any previous plans or reports
- Note your observations from home
- Collect any professional reports to share
- Write down specific examples of concerns or successes
- What are your main concerns or goals for discussion?
- What information do you need from school?
- What changes or support do you want to request?
- What questions do you need answered?
- Bring copies of relevant reports
- Bring previous meeting notes if you have them
- Have your child's diagnosis information if needed
- Notepad for taking notes
- Can you bring a partner or support person?
- Would it help to have an advocate?
- Do you need an interpreter?
- Would you like to request the meeting is recorded?
During the meeting
Start positive
Acknowledge what's working before raising concerns. It builds goodwill.
Be specific
Use specific examples rather than general statements. "Last Tuesday he..." is more useful than "He's always..."
Ask clarifying questions
Don't leave confused. "Can you explain what that means?" or "What would that look like in practice?"
Take notes
Write down key points, decisions, and action items. You may not remember later.
Stay focused
Stick to the agenda. If new issues arise, note them for a separate discussion.
Summarise agreements
Before ending, confirm: "So we've agreed that..." to ensure shared understanding.
Set next steps
Who is doing what, by when? When is the next meeting or check-in?
Questions to ask
- •How is my child doing socially?
- •What are their strengths in the classroom?
- •What do you notice about when they struggle?
- •How do they seem emotionally at school?
- •Are they making expected progress?
- •What areas need more support?
- •How does their work compare to their potential?
- •What accommodations are helping?
- •What support is currently being provided?
- •How consistently is it being implemented?
- •Is the support helping? How do we know?
- •What more could be done?
- •How can we stay in touch day-to-day?
- •Who should I contact if issues arise?
- •How will you let me know if there are problems?
- •Can I see their work/behaviour log?
- •What changes are coming that might affect my child?
- •How can we prepare them for transitions?
- •What should we be working on at home?
- •When should we meet again?
After the meeting
Send follow-up email
Within a few days, email a summary of what was discussed and agreed. This creates a record.
"Thank you for meeting yesterday. To confirm, we agreed that: [list]. Please let me know if I've missed anything."
Share with your child
Age-appropriately discuss what was agreed, focusing on support not problems.
"We talked to your teacher about what helps you learn. They're going to..."
File documents
Keep meeting notes, agreements, and correspondence organised.
Physical folder or digital folder with dates.
Monitor implementation
Check that agreed actions are actually happening.
Follow up after 2-4 weeks if you don't see changes.
Note what worked
Reflect on what went well to repeat in future meetings.
Did preparing specific examples help? Was the advocate useful?
When meetings are difficult
- Put concerns in writing and request written responses
- Cite specific difficulties and their impact
- Request a follow-up meeting with senior staff
- Bring an advocate or supporter
- Know your rights (SEND Code of Practice)
- Provide professional reports supporting your view
- Request school's assessment if not done
- Stay calm and focus on the child, not the conflict
- Request mediation if needed
- Escalate to governors or LA if unresolved
- Document specific instances in writing
- Request a meeting to discuss implementation
- Ask for an explanation and a plan
- Escalate if persistent
- Redirect to the child's needs
- Provide information about the condition
- Stay calm and professional
- Request that discussion stays child-focused
- To be involved in decisions about your child's education
- To have your views considered
- To see your child's records
- To bring someone to support you at meetings
- To request assessments and support
- To appeal decisions about EHCPs
- To complain through formal procedures if needed
The most productive school meetings happen when both sides see each other as partners, not adversaries. Preparation, specificity, and written follow-up are your best tools. Most schools want to help - clear communication helps them do so effectively.
- Preparation is the biggest factor in productive meetings
- Written follow-up creates accountability
- Starting positive builds collaborative relationships
- Being specific with examples is more persuasive than general concerns
- You have rights as a parent - know them and use them appropriately